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Babsgordonsboytoy Profile
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Caped Crusader

Registered: 02-2005
Location: Prowling the Shadows of Gotham
Posts: 1623
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ADVICE REQUIRED (PART TWO)


Afternoon All,

Sorry to drop this bombshell on you all but I'm just wrestling with a major problem and after all the help you Guys gave me when I last needed it (regarding my Stag Do) I thought maybe you could help me sort this problem out too..

I'll apologise in advance as this post's gonna be a bit of a lengthy one, however any advice / suggestions are gratefully recieved..

My soon-to-be Wife and I have a friend called Joe. He's a friend of both of us although he's one of those friends you don't see often.

Anyway, we saw Joe just before Xmas last year as he was in the middle of a major spending spree (bought a new sound system for his 4X4 complete with iPod, top of the line PC and a load of othe stuff) and then he dropped off the face of the Earth until February.

It transpired that just before Xmas he lost his Temp job, had to sell his Car, returned all the stuff he'd bought and give notice on the House he was renting.

When we heard this we were horrified, and we're not the type to let a friend down in his time of need so we offered to put him up for a couple of nights as where he was living needed the room he was using over the weekend for relatives.

On the second night he was staying with us he mentioned that he knew this year was gonna be very expensive with the Wedding etc and asked if we'd take him in as a lodger for a while. Lisa and I discussed the matter between us and agreed that we would take him in, BUT only until we came back from our Honeymoon. Anyway, he moved in late February this year and for the first Month he wasn't working (or doing anything in the House) and just sat on our Couch watching TV.

After about a Month he got a Temp job in a local Office (both Lisa and I thought this was great news) and after the first few weeks I mentioned that we needed to discuss Rent. Joe said sure, no problem and then proceeded to avoid us for a few days. (We'd get home after work and he'd have made some Tea for himself and gone to bed without doing any housework or anything in fact)

When we saw him again we didn't want to scare him off or seem interested in just one thing so we left it a couple of weeks before mentioning Rent again, and sure enough he said he'd go to the bank then we didn't see him for another few days.

Anyway, this has been going on every week and the upshot is after nearly five Months this Joe hasn't paid us a penny, done any housework or even started looking for a new place to live. My wife and I are starting to get really P.O'd :whack at this and feel that we're gonna have to say something and it may even get to the point where we have to throw him out and call it a day on the friendship.

The last straw is that I've not been able to get on-line for the last week as he's somehow managed to completely kill my Server AND the back-up drive :cussing (he's reformatted and installed Windows so thoroughly I can't get back ANY of my pictures, suit schematics, novels or video footage) with seemingly no effort. It's only sheer luck that I've managed to dig out an old DVD-ROM that I didn't know I had with most of my drivers and user manuals on but I've lost EVERYTHING ELSE. :banghead

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, can anyone out there help me with this dilemma as we're both starting to feel at the end of our rope with this guy and we shouldn't feel this way just before (a week tomorrow to be precise) we set off to get Married. :help



---
'I've seen too much to be Robin, I'm too optimistic to be Batman.' Rick Grayson - Nightwing
6/13/2006, 12:15 pm Link to this post Send Email to Babsgordonsboytoy   Send PM to Babsgordonsboytoy
 
angelus7 Profile
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Dark Knight

Registered: 09-2005
Location: Gotham City
Posts: 578
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Re: ADVICE REQUIRED (PART TWO)


i don't know waht to say but damn and also kick his ass to the curb

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6/13/2006, 12:54 pm Link to this post Send Email to angelus7   Send PM to angelus7
 
jokerscrowbar Profile
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Caped Crusader

Registered: 07-2005
Location: Wales
Posts: 4338
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Re: ADVICE REQUIRED (PART TWO)


Drop him like a ton of bricks.

And stress that as he hasn't been paying any rent that he owes you £50 for each week that he's been there. That way he will avoid you in future.

Dont be put off that he is a friend as a friend would not take advantage of your hospitality.

 :whack

---
TJ
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6/13/2006, 1:09 pm Link to this post Send Email to jokerscrowbar
 
Theopolis Profile
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BOTB Member

Registered: 10-2005
Posts: 99
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Re: ADVICE REQUIRED (PART TWO)


You're giving him more consideration than he's giving you. As one friend to another, you've put his needs before your own, but in five months he hasn't returned the favor. In fact, he's done nothing but take advantage of you. Good on you for being there for him when he needed help, but is this really a friendship you're willing to put yourself out for? This kind of pressure doesn't help marriages.

Best thing you can do is have him out before your wedding. You don't need the gloom of this impending decision hanging over your heads on your honeymoon. And don't feel guilty about it. YOU aren't the ones who are at fault for his current predicament. His own irresponsible behavior got him where he is today.
6/13/2006, 1:12 pm Link to this post Send Email to Theopolis   Send PM to Theopolis
 
twconstantine Profile
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Apprentice

Registered: 02-2005
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 117
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Re: ADVICE REQUIRED (PART TWO)


Your situation reminds me of a movie trailer I saw today. Check it out:

http://www.apple.com/trailers/universal/youmeanddupree/teaser_large.html


---
www.gunfighterslife.com
6/13/2006, 1:29 pm Link to this post Send Email to twconstantine   Send PM to twconstantine
 
moodospidey Profile
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Sidekick

Registered: 03-2006
Posts: 347
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Re: ADVICE REQUIRED (PART TWO)


Babgordon,

I had a similar situation a few years back. I had a friend who showed up about once every few years to leech off me. This time, thinking life may have changed him I allowed him to move in with me on a temp basis...similar to you. I felt bad for him and he was more than ready to take advantage of my good nature. So, after 6 months of him doing nothing but partying, sleeping late, doing unspeakables in my absence I had the talk with him "You need to leave" and a deadline was discussed. Unfourtunately that did not do the job. He figured I would cave in and let him worked on me a bit. I did. To make a long story short, I ended his tenancy along with our friendship. He told me how I took advantage of him over the course of his stay and yad yad yada. I never felt better after getting my life back, because all the time I spent stressing about him, the situation took its tole on me. These type of people are users, they are not givers, like you. You cannot understand him because he is not like you, you will not be able to see his perspective and he will not be able to see yours. You are just too different. I would suggest you write him a letter, outline your issues, ending with the date you want him out. Also state that you would like to follow up this with a conversation, so that each party understands one another. He will not pay rent, he will not help around the house, words are only good if they are followed by actions...I believe his words will be hollow promises, dont believe them...even if they are what you want to hear, because these people are pro's at telling you just that, what you want to hear; so they get their way. I am sorry for the long response, I just feel for your situation, you and your wife. She must be a special women to put up with this. Unfourtunatly, I believe your friendship with this Joe, will be perminantly tainted, but my friend, those whom we call friends are those that are similar to us, giving, caring and do for us as we do for them. You may also think that you are helping him, but ultimately he is not learning anything about responsibility, courtesy, respect and most importantly life. You are not his parent, you are his friend and sometimes friends need to recieve wake up calls and it sounds too me like Joe has been sleeping long enough.

Good luck

Last edited by moodospidey, 6/13/2006, 1:45 pm


---
Moodospidey,

"I do not bully the weak, nor do I fear the powerful."
6/13/2006, 1:32 pm Link to this post Send Email to moodospidey   Send PM to moodospidey
 
moodospidey Profile
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Sidekick

Registered: 03-2006
Posts: 347
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Re: ADVICE REQUIRED (PART TWO)


Hey twcon,

I think that trailer may make babsgord cry, not laugh. :wink

---
Moodospidey,

"I do not bully the weak, nor do I fear the powerful."
6/13/2006, 1:55 pm Link to this post Send Email to moodospidey   Send PM to moodospidey
 
manbat01 Profile
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Registered: 06-2005
Posts: 255
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Re: ADVICE REQUIRED (PART TWO)


hey man, I too had a like situation. A few years ago my girlfriend and I were living in an apt. and a friend of ours lost her job and needed a place to stay. well, after about 3-4 weeks she finally got off the sofa and found a job, she gave us alittle bit of cash out of her first pay check but then she was allways out partying. when we asked for rent, there was allways something that came up (but she allways had money to party). well we kicked her out and didnt see her for months, but when we did see her she had a good job, her own apt., and a car. She actually THANKED us for kicking her out. Now were all still friends and we even laugh about it now. Hopefully things will work out for you the same way. He has been your friend for a while,so he cant be a bad guy, mayby you just need to try some tough love. :whack peace.
6/13/2006, 2:08 pm Link to this post Send Email to manbat01   Send PM to manbat01
 
darkknightPGH Profile
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Dark Knight

Registered: 06-2004
Posts: 856
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Re: ADVICE REQUIRED (PART TWO)


Either kick him out or give him an ultimatum in the form of a lease or contract of some kind.

If he wants to stay it should be legit and on your and your wife's terms, not his.

Set a deadline for rent (first or last of month) and set in stone what it covers, ground rules of the house, what's expected of him in terms of chores, etc.

If he pretends to cooperate but still blow you off, get the bank or a 3rd party collection agency involved. then if he's still not payin up they mess up his credit big time.

you can probably tell by my approach that I'm in a fraternity. I'm the President, and I have to deal with deadbeats all the time who won't pay dues or rent on time if at all. it sucks, but tough love is the only answer. they gotta pay up or pack up. no excuses.
6/13/2006, 2:26 pm Link to this post Send Email to darkknightPGH   Send PM to darkknightPGH
 
angelus7 Profile
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Dark Knight

Registered: 09-2005
Location: Gotham City
Posts: 578
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Re: ADVICE REQUIRED (PART TWO)


right on

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6/13/2006, 3:37 pm Link to this post Send Email to angelus7   Send PM to angelus7
 


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